GUEST WRITER – the Fencesitter
I’m fed up now. Everyone is talking the queer talk, but when the chips are down our lesbian sisters are just not walking the walk and keeping it cool with their bi-sisters . I want to be down with my dyke lovers, partners, sisters and friends, and be part of their cuddly queer family. I am, after all, the very essence of queer. I love both women and men – sometimes at the same time, sometimes one at a time. I blur the boundaries of gay/straight and confuse my partners, lovers, friends, parents and child.
I’m not one thing or another. I’m bisexual.
I have tried being straight and being a dyke. It would be cleaner and easier for people to digest. But it’s not me. And anyhow I thought that’s what we were all meant to do? Rise up, love ourselves for who we are and stand proud?
So why do we bisexual women throw such a spanner in the works of the queer community, especially for dykes? Why do they get so furious with us? Why is it hard to just let us be? We do really, really love you (you do know that, don’t you?). It’s just that we can love and have sex with men also.
It’s like, just when you think you have found some friends, they bloody attack you on the basis that you are NOT enough like them. I’ve actually been refused entry to queer clubs because scary butch bouncers asked me if I was a dyke and I told the truth. Where’s the community in that?
I mean, I get all the stuff about protecting lesbian space and identity. I understand. It’s an identity that needs as much support as it can get. But is blocking out the ‘fencesitters’ the way to go? (And I know we are not meant to mention it, but I know quite a few of my dyke sisters who like a bit of ‘male on them’ action now and then…)
So here in my bi-sermon is a non-exhaustive list of all the comments on my sexuality I have received – and my translation of those comments back into how they might sound delivered to a lesbian sister. Fellow bi-women, please print these off and laminate them for use in the war at the frontier of control on our sexuality – as the spit begins to fly off the moral high ground you can just keep wiping it away and read back these answers to the shit we have to deal with. It will save energy and head space that can be used for more interesting topics.
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
It’s just a phase – you’ll grow up to be a lesbian
Response:
It’s just a phase, you’ll grow up to be straight or if you are really lucky, bi
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
You are confused
Response:
You are confused
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
You have not met the right woman yet
Response:
You need some real cock to sort you out
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
You don’t know what you want
Response:
Ditto
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
You are not really bisexual – you are so good in bed and really turn me on
Response:
(Blush and small giggle – we’ll let that one go)
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
You’ll leave me for a man
Response:
You’ll leave me for a woman
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
How do you know what to do in bed?
Response:
Whatever
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
You are a fence-sitter
Response:
I’ve got a good view from up here
What I’ve had said to me by dykes:
You want to have your cake and eat it
Response:
Why not?
I hope these handy frequently uttered insults and handy responses prove useful. After all, when people tell me that being bi means never being short of a date, I just smile. Because I know that being bi means my quality standards can be so much higher than either straight or gay can manage – because I’ve got so much more choice. Come on over to our side. The sun is out and we don’t care who you sleep with.
aappathachchiya 
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