Lesbian or straight, here are your permutations

26 07 2010

I sat down once and listed the different kinds of relationships I see around me and was surprised at the size of this list. My surprise is probably because we are brought up with blinkers on to look at the first and last models here (preferably leading from first to last with no digressions in between).

relationship with person one is in love with = generally the stuff that films are made out of and expected to lead to a monogamous long term relationship.

casual relationship = this is when someone tells you “oh we are seeing each other but we are not serious about it”.

casual sex with one person without emotional attachment = you meet this person only for sex – no hanging out – which makes it different from the above.

friends with benefits = primarily friends and not in a romantic relationship with each other, but sex and other ‘benefits’ can be thrown in, i.e. shoulder to cry on, etc.

open relationship with a set number of other partners = other than your primary partner, you have decided who to see and where and there are limitations on this.

open relationship without limitations on partners or encounters = the primary partner is the only constant.

relationship with person you love but not in love with = you may not be in love with this person but there is much deep affection and sexual chemistry.

more than one relationship without consent of all parties = aka ‘having an affaire’. The primary partner either doesn’t know or doesn’t approve.

more than one relationship with consent of all parties = both primary partner and other partner/s know of each other. aka polyamorous relationships.

emotional intensity without relationship = intense emotional attachment but sex is not part of it.

committed monogamous relationship = the two of you and only the two of you and never the twain shall part.

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9 responses

26 07 2010
me

The last on your list..which is something I’ve never really been able to say before in public, so ty for that

26 07 2010
Vak

happy for you 🙂

27 07 2010
Cooper

Hey why you always talk about relationship? There are vast issues you can talk, when it’s come for women who love women. Evan in the relationships, I don’t trust monogamous relationship, even if you say so some times people will change depending on their feelings and attraction towards to other person.

Be more practical when you write to public.

Good luck

27 07 2010
me

Lol cooper are you having a bad day? There’s a huge range of topics on this blog. And frankly, where lesbianism is concerned, relationships are one of the most significant topics anyway. I love this blog.

27 07 2010
Vak

@me: thanks 🙂
@cooper: i find relationships interesting because it is about people. i looked at the different kinds of relationships here because many women have told me what you said in your comment – people believe in monogamy but it is not easy 🙂 if we can accept different kinds of relationships, people might not try to live in monogamous relationships if it is difficult for them

6 08 2010
Vak

PS – I think the psychologist Shirley Glass would call emotional intensity without relationship an ’emotional affair’!

31 07 2010
Anonymous

I think the only ones you may have missed from your comprehensive lists are:

– triad – committed closed relationship with two people you are in love with (no sex outside) and have expectations of future relationships with (not usually the stuff that films are made of)

– quad – like above but with 4 people of equal standing have relationship with each other , could be two couples and occasional play with others, or full open relationship of all four….and all permutations of above.

– carry on until reach logarithmic scales and boundaries of physical possibilities. . .

25 08 2010
LG

interesting list!

different phases in life..different kind of relationships..that’s how I see it.

When i think about the relationships , I have been on so far..i can put them to 3 categories here 😉

11 12 2012

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