Since when did the lesbians colonise merging?

10 02 2011

I am constantly struck by how self-obsessed we are as a community, we lesbians. This time the moment came on when I was surfing online and saw the words LESBIAN MERGING.

‘We are lesbians. We have to beware of merging. You don’t want to wake up walking, sounding, dressing like your girlfriend. It is like a sickness, this dreaded merging that happens. It kills your romance and turns you into two old aunties.’ Since when did the lesbians colonise merging?

People merge all the time. Some groups of people – children, women wearing chador, people in uniform – are forced to merge. Some aspire to it – when you are a teenager you want to look just like your two best friends, same hairstyle, same skirt length, same brand of jeans. Have you seen those generic young men walking around Colombo wearing their hair like they were electrocuted?

Then you become a lesbian and discover lesbian merging. You want to get your navel pierced while you are staring at it?





Pass me your panties!

31 05 2010

Do you sometimes wear your partner’s clothes?

My partner and I are kind of the same size and there have been times when I have stolen a shirt or kurta of hers to wear to work. However as I don’t fit into her pants or jeans we don’t wear each others pants. Her feet too, are bigger than mine so we can’t share shoes. (Even if we could, I am not sure I like her taste in footwear!) She owns just three pairs of shoes while I have – maybe fifteen!

What is it about some couples, that they kind of merge into one? I know one other couple who shared clothes, including underwear. Is this common? I would get mad if my girlfriend wore my underwear. There are just some things I don’t like sharing. There are also some places I like to keep personal, like the toilet for example. I don’t want her walking in on me when I am doing my business. I think it’s good to keep some things personal. My aunt never looked into her husband’s wallet for example, even though they had been married for 30 years.

Some couples answer each other’s mobiles regularly, some won’t go places (especially to parties) without the other. I am not sure how healthy this is. Sometimes space can be a good thing, and sometimes hanging on to your individuality is the wisest thing to do when all else breaks down!





And I thought only lesbians merged

29 05 2010

I come from two people you would never think of putting in one planet. No exaggeration. I promise. When they met, one was fresh out of a cloistered and stifling but comfortable home and the other was on an adventure in the backwaters of beyond trying to bring about a revolution. One has the temper of lightening and thunder, the other has the temper of rain falling ceaselessly through the day. He reads words to feed his brain, she reads stories to fill her heart. Growing up, I looked at my parents and thought I would never be with someone if I couldn’t share my laughs.

That part turned out to be true. I always laughed with my girlfriends. But the one thing you couldn’t say about me was that I loved women who were like me. They didn’t look like me, they didn’t talk like me, they enjoyed life differently and I loved them for that. No fear of merging. That thing that lesbians are so afraid of. Lesbian Merging. Imagine dressing like each other in a few weeks or months! We are worried that we will pick up our lover’s expressions. We make sure we use different endearments on each other. Or else we’ll merge and then where is that other person who so excited you when you first met?

No such worries for me. Why worry about Lesbian Merging when I go for women who are so different that it would take plate tectonics to effect Lesbian Merging? I could afford to laugh at the others. And then, a few weeks ago, I noticed that my father said some thing the same way, that my mother does. A few days later, my mother did something else the same way he did.

My father and mother were merging.

It wasn’t only lesbians who merged.

I am not sure if I should be upset about it or not.

If my parents can merge, anyone can merge.

Does that mean there is no getting away from Lesbian Merging?