Pass me your panties!

31 05 2010

Do you sometimes wear your partner’s clothes?

My partner and I are kind of the same size and there have been times when I have stolen a shirt or kurta of hers to wear to work. However as I don’t fit into her pants or jeans we don’t wear each others pants. Her feet too, are bigger than mine so we can’t share shoes. (Even if we could, I am not sure I like her taste in footwear!) She owns just three pairs of shoes while I have – maybe fifteen!

What is it about some couples, that they kind of merge into one? I know one other couple who shared clothes, including underwear. Is this common? I would get mad if my girlfriend wore my underwear. There are just some things I don’t like sharing. There are also some places I like to keep personal, like the toilet for example. I don’t want her walking in on me when I am doing my business. I think it’s good to keep some things personal. My aunt never looked into her husband’s wallet for example, even though they had been married for 30 years.

Some couples answer each other’s mobiles regularly, some won’t go places (especially to parties) without the other. I am not sure how healthy this is. Sometimes space can be a good thing, and sometimes hanging on to your individuality is the wisest thing to do when all else breaks down!

And I thought only lesbians merged

29 05 2010

I come from two people you would never think of putting in one planet. No exaggeration. I promise. When they met, one was fresh out of a cloistered and stifling but comfortable home and the other was on an adventure in the backwaters of beyond trying to bring about a revolution. One has the temper of lightening and thunder, the other has the temper of rain falling ceaselessly through the day. He reads words to feed his brain, she reads stories to fill her heart. Growing up, I looked at my parents and thought I would never be with someone if I couldn’t share my laughs.

That part turned out to be true. I always laughed with my girlfriends. But the one thing you couldn’t say about me was that I loved women who were like me. They didn’t look like me, they didn’t talk like me, they enjoyed life differently and I loved them for that. No fear of merging. That thing that lesbians are so afraid of. Lesbian Merging. Imagine dressing like each other in a few weeks or months! We are worried that we will pick up our lover’s expressions. We make sure we use different endearments on each other. Or else we’ll merge and then where is that other person who so excited you when you first met?

No such worries for me. Why worry about Lesbian Merging when I go for women who are so different that it would take plate tectonics to effect Lesbian Merging? I could afford to laugh at the others. And then, a few weeks ago, I noticed that my father said some thing the same way, that my mother does. A few days later, my mother did something else the same way he did.

My father and mother were merging.

It wasn’t only lesbians who merged.

I am not sure if I should be upset about it or not.

If my parents can merge, anyone can merge.

Does that mean there is no getting away from Lesbian Merging?

The romance of single life

19 05 2010

When you are one half of a couple for a long time, you forget what it is like to be with yourself. Only with yourself. When you start off, you are caught up with being a couple, spending time with the new girlfriend, the romance, the passion, the dreams.

Then you settle into the groove of being one half of a couple and enjoy the routine, the stability and the togetherness. Even the arguments and making up. Even the little separations, as long as you don’t stay apart too long.

And when you break up, you miss the shared laughter and the inside jokes. You miss the other part of yourself. You miss her weight next to you in bed and your life has a gap.

It’s like silence. Everyone rushes to fill silence in, just the way we want to fill that gap, find someone to laugh and spend time with. But hold on long enough, and one day you blink and realise that being alone is not that bad.

Actually, what a relief it is to be able to suddenly meet a friend and decide to spend the whole day with her. No rushing back home because you think tenderly of your girlfriend waiting for you. No phone calls to reassure her that you haven’t disappeared or had an accident, you just thought you would watch a film with your cousins. And how nice to not have to get out of bed, read as much as you want and not feel selfish about spending your time with yourself. How nice.

It’s not sour grapes. It’s just that I had forgotten how much I love spending time with myself as much as I love being with a woman I love.