It’s so gay!

23 01 2010

This is such a handy phrase – short, cutting, perfectly capturing the strong emotions it evokes while subtly implying that the speaker possesses infinitely superior judgement, sophistication and style than her unfortunate victim. (‘Her’ victim because “It’s so gay!” is so often the property of sophisticated teenaged or young women. No one else can quite achieve that tone of crushing disdain and the scornful delivery required by this, the ultimate put-down).

The phrase is popular though not new, and has traveled to this region along with the clothes, music, technology, accessories and everything else important in the pursuit of being cool. The interesting thing is however, that most of the It’s so gay! fraternity if reprimanded would indignantly chorus: “But I’m not homophobic! I have lots of gay friends…!”

Or: “It’s just a thing that we say. What you getting all worked up about?”

Sigh.

Anyone who doesn’t spend much time around young people and who has not yet experienced this phenomenon could visit one of Colombo’s high-end clothing stores, where a few moments of cruising around the men’s section (at the risk of being accused of being a pervert and/or gay), will almost certainly yield results. First you will hear a male voice ask hopefully: “Sonali, what d’you think of this shirt/shoe/tie/belt/sarong?

The reply will arrive after a moment of deliberation or in really dire instances – instantly: “Oh no, Ravi, – you can’t possibly wear that pink colour! It’s so gay!

After which Ravi will meekly retire to try his luck again with a more conventional colour/style/design of shirt/shoe/tie/belt/sarong. It’s as if in the great Sri Lankan drive towards universal conformity and general homophobia,“It’s so gay!” is now the official battlecry.

The identical conversation could also take place in the women’s section between Sonali and her best friend Kanthi, when they go shopping together. Each will successfully use the same phrase in order to dissuade the other from buying any item of clothing, jewellery or footwear that doesn’t meet with approval because “It’s so gay!” means it’s uncool, weird, cheesy, effeminate, kitschy or just plain Bad Taste.

Poor Kanthi. She will never get to buy that mad yellow floral tshirt she liked so much because it was too gay. And poor, poor Ravi. Long may he wish to stand out in the crowd wearing wild pinks, cool greens and fabulous flowers across his shirts and sarongs. Sonali will make sure this never happens, certain in the knowledge that pink will ensure the end of her boyfriend’s position as one of the most eligible bachelors around town, while making him vulnerable to the constant danger of appearing thus clad in one of Colombo’s society magazines. Because then, god forbid – everyone will think he’s gay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVicCD8FmMs





Calling all Butch Lesbians

14 12 2009

At least one criterion under Checklist 1 must be fulfilled as a pre-requisite by Candidate for above post, in addition to the criteria under the Secondary Checklist.

Checklist 1

Please select a minimum of one of the following categories. It is not possible to pre-empt, circumvent or vent them in any way:

  1. You were born a lesbian
  2. You realized you were a lesbian later on in life. However, you have documentary proof that you never liked men
  3. You liked women before identifying as lesbian. However, due to unmentionable but understandable pressures, you were in the emotional state frequently described by professional lesbians as ‘denial’*

Secondary Checklist

Please check at least 8 (including 1 & 2)

  1. Wear men’s clothing or unisex forms of dress (e.g. of unisex clothes: kurta, skinnies, linen pants)
  2. Exhibit  walk with no signs of movement that can be classified as swing, sway and/or sashay
  3. Wear your hair short cut in a men’s hair salon and/or the men’s section of a unisex hair salon by a male hair stylist
  4. Walk disdainfully past the women’s clothes section and shop in the men’s section in clothing stores
  5. Store  enough stationery in wallet to enable one bulging butt
  6. Indicate revulsion when asked to wear make-up, sari, skirts**
  7. Socialize with men at the level generally accepted as ‘buddy’
  8. Demonstrate very little cooking  skills OR level of culinary skills considered near professional
  9. Prove regular attention from attractive non-butch females at social events
  10. Sport accessories in the following categories: leather or steel arm bands,  rings without flowers or heart designs, wristwatches preferably 1’ in width

PLEASE NOTE: Bonus points will be given to the candidate if she was refused entry to a popular nightclub on Duplication Road, Colombo 04 at least once (conditions apply***)

*Reports of candidate liking men during the period of denial will not be taken as evidence of being a non-butch lesbian at present

**If in doubt over a particular item of clothing, it must be submitted to unanimous approval by a minimum of 3 Butches

***Candidate must have been refused entry without any explanation and must be able to name witnesses to the event