I’ve just bought a pink T-shirt

3 12 2010

I’ve just bought a pink T-shirt but I’m worried it might make me look a bit, ahem, gay and give off the wrong signals. What do you think?

(Name withheld)

You know, I really gotta hand it to homophobes: they sure do think they’re hot. The rest of us, I feel, go through life thinking that maybe we’ll catch a few friendly glances coming our way. Homophobes, on the other hand, seem to believe that they are so irresistibly attractive that every gay person of their gender wants to jump their bones, given half an opportunity and a public toilet for privacy. Maybe it’s because these homophobes get so few offers from the people they do want to attract that they assume theirs is a face that appeals more to the other side, so to speak.

There was a simply marvellous quote in a New York Times piece recently about whether gays should be allowed to be open about their sexuality in the military issue, or whether America should continue to deny a group of people a basic human right and instead make them feel ashamed of themselves by suggesting there is something perverted about them when they are giving up their lives to defend their country. But I digress. The reporter spoke to one soldier who said that no, he didn’t want gays in the military because he was worried about being “approached”. That this young man, as he conceded, had never been “approached” in his life – by a man or woman, one suspects – did not lessen his concern. After all, he was just so hot, despite his eyes being – one imagines – ever so slightly too close together.

Name withheld, I’m guessing these are the, ahem, signals you are, ahem, fearing. Well let me assure you: that you are even worrying about looking, ahem, gay, proves that you have neither the wit, nor intelligence, nor style to accomplish such a feat. Look gay? You wish.

Ask Hadley

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One response

4 12 2010
rice

its a funny situation actually: as a gay person, if you hit on a someone, she will like tell the whole world “oh my god, you wont believe, she just hit on me” (read that as oh i am so desireable, i just got hit on)…and if you dont hit on her she will be equally offended. You just cant win!

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