Spread the word.

2 04 2010

I just realized that since I am neither an academic nor a self-identified feminist, it has taken me over three quarters of my life to recognize the fact that I have been and still am oppressed. By men.

Recently I thought about why it took me so long to realize this glaringly obvious fact. Living in a strongly male dominated society as I do, it should have been very apparent but maybe the conditioning went so deep that it was never something I thought about till I moved towards women – lesbians, feminists, academics – all sorts of unusual and intelligent characters who taught me, above all, to think.

Coming out was probably the first step on a long road towards the dawning realization that most men bully, tolerate or patronize women in ways so numerous that listing them would be exhausting. But one of the most important factors in my state of ignorance about my own oppression would have to be the fact of my privileged position in society. My life has been far easier than that of most Sri Lankan women, for no better reasons than that I was taught to speak English and was reared in a secure and liberal environment. So, my awareness of male oppression never got beyond the point of a fury that I would never win a physical battle with my brother, even if I was fighting for what was mine.

But then, how easy it would be to simply go with the mainstream flow and block out the incessant and infuriating male behaviors I now observe so clearly around me – from the tiniest details of thoughtless behavior to the relentless objectification/sexualisation of virtually every woman around.

Don’t straight women notice these things? Or is it just much more in their interests to deny and so condone them? Straight women have to live with men and off men to a great extent. Men are their protectors and providers and most importantly, the fathers of their children after all. Perhaps these are compromises they make, consciously or otherwise, in the search for motherhood and security. And living as we do in a deeply conventional South Asian society, the pressures to conform that are placed upon all women, are even greater.

I imagine that women suffering poverty and violence have little time or energy to meditate for long upon their circumstance. Their battles are for survival. They are the ones who suffer the most, who are deeply oppressed and whose voices are therefore rarely heard. But on the other hand, a high profile, educated, intelligent woman might not always wish to jar the status quo. The ways in which she is oppressed are much less apparent and far less painful and she has much to gain by silence and cooperation. So the most articulate women capable of effecting the greatest change become precisely the ones who would never be required to raise their own awareness and speak out. Given a choice between protecting one’s personal comfort and security and waging a constant battle for equality and power, few would choose the latter.

I know there are some amazing women who do just that – who give up so much and spend their lives fighting for equality and women’s rights. They are usually the lesbians, feminists and academics. In our society it often seems the word has not spread much further than that.

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3 responses

3 04 2010
Rice

what you describe is Patriarchy – control by men of political and social structures. So as south asian women, we are expected to marry men who are taller than us, more educated than us, older than us, and who earn more than us…thus perpetuating the whole notion of men being superior and in control….We are also expected to give up our surnames and take on theirs.
Whether an individual woman wants to conquer patriarchy will come from her desire to be independent and define her like outside the context of men..so for women it is a constant struggle to reach the top where as men are born with the right and not questionned.
I only hope we are living examples that things can be different and change has come (err….is coming very slowly!)

4 04 2010
Vak

I want to discuss two things – the first is that poverty and violence leave women little time to act on their behalf: very few revolutions are by women from more privileged social settings; it is the women who work hard and live hard who are usually out there.
Two – straight women do notice these things. I know many queer feminists expect other queer women to be automatically feminist, as if it comes naturally when they love women, but nope, doesn’t happen that way ;-/

25 05 2010
pp

not sure how i missed this post. i posted something similar but from the other side of the debate (?) a few days ago – http://paan-waati.blogspot.com/2010/05/if-i-could-change-world.html

one reason apart from not wanting to be bothered could be that the word “feminist” now evoke visions of bra burning, man hating, miiltant women and most women who are in principle feminists, don’t want to be associated with the term or the movement. another could be that women, esp those in the middle class who enjoy rights to education, employment etc believe they are actually equal and there is no more to fight for?

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