No dowry to be gained…

14 11 2009

Recently we posted a fury about weddings and being forced to go to them. (See: ‘Getting married?’). Everyone seemed to agree that weddings and forcible attendance were in general a pain in the ass and a Bad Thing. But many marriages start with big weddings. These are ghastly events most of the time unless they have been organized by some uber-cool friend and performed beside a waterfall with lots of beautiful people, exotic drugs, funky music, scrumptious food and plenty of garlands. Weddings that the guests talk about wistfully for months afterwards and tell their children about, when they are old enough to handle it. Unfortunately weddings like this are few and far between, and we are usually not invited to them unless we are spectacularly beautiful, obscenely rich or the pusher.

No. Most weddings are formal affairs, conducted in solemn places of worship – the church, the temple or the Hilton. There is a lot of standing around sweating in black suits with tight collars or pink chiffon saris. There are sermons on the sanctity of marriage, love, joy, faithfulness and a hint of the little pattering feet soon to arrive. There is chanting of blessings or singing of popular hymns in three part harmony till finally it is over and everyone heaves a sigh of relief and heads off either to find the black label or to take off their heels for a bit.

Next there is a party with a band playing classic rock covers and the women scheme further marriages while the men consume the black label and start thinking they might look good doing the baila. This happens. Then once they have had a good workout on the dance floor everyone drives drunkenly home, throws up and waits for the next one.

Meanwhile the bride and groom set out on the serious business of Being Married.

This involves having sex, going to work, parties, joint bank accounts, shopping, cooking, seeing the in-laws every Sunday and…babies!

Many are the disputes over suitability, land, caste and creed that have been instantly resolved by the arrival of the Baby. Like royalty entering, all argument is hushed and the cuteness of every tiny infant is guaranteed to melt the hardest of hearts and set them thinking instead about how long it will be before they are old enough to teach ‘em cricket. Babies are great. They will no doubt grow up to torture their parents with boyfriends and drug habits but till then, they are the coolest.

Consider now, the plight of the unfortunate sri lankan gay man or lesbian. Not all the intelligence, education, skills, good nature, wealth, character or evidence of responsibility in the world has given us the right to marry the ones we love. We might wear rings or tattoos as signs of faith. We might write our wills in favor of each other even. We might be accepted by our immediate family if we’re lucky and we might have a few friends to support us, also if we’re lucky. But we have no rights, no recognition and little good will from most of the people we interact with. We hide from public view and occasionally get taunted, beaten up or thrown out of public spaces for no reason. We put up and shut up. We live and we love as best we can. We ‘marry’ in private and only our closest friends and family know when we are happy or sad, ‘married’ for years, having a baby or breaking up.

But what the hell. We’ll have a pretend wedding on the beach. You can keep the Hilton.

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5 responses

14 11 2009
varad

did i mention how that at weddings sometimes we are made to sit down at tables of ten with people we dont know and have to suffer the silence and small talk? weddings are sooo overrated.
marriage is in your heart not in the money you spend on ceremonies….

15 11 2009
lg77

Until the people here , come out of the mist of ignorance and closed minds, this situation wont change.

The question is , will they ever..?

16 11 2009
themissingsandwich

You’ve been tagged. Please refer to my blog for more details 🙂

19 11 2009
old Man

You people are a minority, no? By now, you should know our attitude to minorities, no?

19 11 2009
varad

yes we are a minority, and yes we know the general attitude towards minorities. However, i do belive in the possibility of change….without hope, all else is lost.

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